Thursday, March 31, 2005
hello world.
I just came back not too long ago from Bonnie's.
Cycled over to her place to pass Jolene her OC vcds.
They're tricia's friends, if you're wondering.
Yeap, they're the ones I like. Haha. :)
It was rather weird actually.
Her AC friends were over at her place,
yet she still invited me (who was drenched in perspiration) in.
I'm gratuitious for it though.
Despite not doing much,
you can say I did have a little fun.
They're nice people. No doubts about it.
Well..
CJ's orientation is disappointingly over.
I had quite a bit of fun despite getting awfully fatigue.
My class comprises the remains of 1t03 and 1t04.
Also, all the new 2nd intakers.
Awesome people, indubitably.
I've become chums with my facil too. :)
I think I bonded more with her than my class. Heh.
Albeit I ain't exactly close to anyone in class,
I still have fun just dawdling around with them.
Time's a factor not to be rushed,
so I'll ease up a little and hope to blend in soon.
Wanyi's in CJ now. I'm really glad.
Although I was hoping that Cheryl would have made it in too.
We were both anticipating so much we could be classmates.
Imagine all the gossiping and bitching sessions.
Not to mention, the swooning and the lovesickness. Hah.
She's at camp now. Miss that gibber already.
Just hope she's having oodles of fun
and will eventually learn how to love her new school as well.
Gonna be wearing the school uniform tmr.
Hopefully nothing will go wrong. -prays-
And I've to attend bball training tmr.
Was thinking of joining Touch Rugby though.
That's if that CCA opens.
School's rather different now.
I miss Karina and Winnie. :(
Things has changed quite a bit.
I'm still in the midst of adaptation..
And I honestly wonder if I'll be able to let go.
The more I try, the harder it becomes.
It's tough work. Sigh.
But since you want it over and done,
so it shall be.
Cart's coming back on Sat.
The one thing that brings a smile to my face now. :)
8:12 PM
Friday, March 25, 2005
Have not been updating much.
Just came back from Sem's.
Was supposed to have The OC Season 2 Marathon.
But apparently, I konked out, and so did Henry.
Darren stayed up and finished all the way till episode 8.
We woke up this morning and watched till episode 14.
Can't wait to finish it all up!
Love the OC.
Anyway.
The entry prior to this is the doing of Jolene & Tricia.
I hope everyone knew it wasn't typed by me.
I've definitely passed their stage.
Hahaha. just kidding la.
Yeah, they were over on Tues.
Apparently they stayed in my room
while I went out to celebrate my dear Rachie's birthday.
It was quite a weird arrangement,
but seriously, what the heck.
I had fun with the both of them.
And you know what?
I like Tricia's friends. :)
Karina's in SAJC now.
I really do miss her presence in school.
Sem, Wanyi nor Cheryl made it into CJ either.
Life sucks? Yeah, you bet.
The 2nd intake is rather good though.
I've got another eye candy!! hahaha.
The people are nice too.
And the 2nd day of orientation
made me realise how much I really like CJ.
I'm glad I stayed.
And for another reason why too. :)
Okay I'm going to meet Cheryl soon.
Yes hun, I know we have a date.
A very scary and freaky one. :|
I think I'm caught in an illusion again. I was almost out of it, and now I fell right back in again. Simply because.. Falling in love with you is just too easy..
3:37 PM
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
HELLLOOOOOOO WORLD!! poopsiees haf invaded belle e retard's bloggieeeee *chuckle*
muahahahaha are you fine todaye?(shes talking to e world) heh heh heh(which also means prawns in some dialect)
sth sane. (belle's orders)wad r e poopsies doin? eating fried rice tat belly welly felly sally bought for us..can u taste it???slurrrppppp*snort*
EVERYONE WILL FORCE BELLE TO EAT MORE because she only ate one spoon of the fried rice ): poop. sies. super. lame.eating fried rice.slurp.snort.fart.smell it!
something.poopsies rule the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok we shant torment e rest of e world rite fellow poopsie-mate??yessssss
signing off!
8:47 PM
I think it's utterly farcical that
my friends didnt make it to the JC of their choice.
Especially when they have fulfilled the criteria.
It's bullshit, really.
I've no idea what's wrong with MOE.
I feel like going down to slap all their stupid faces.
Can't they see that my friends have made it?
What the fuck, really.
I really wanted every single one of them
to be able to make it into the JC of their choice.
Yes, inclusive of Tricia and Karina.
Maybe the headlines for tmr will be:
"Young arsonist burns MOE building down."
9:15 AM
Sunday, March 20, 2005
Sorry Sem, for not updating much.
And to those who do bother to come and read.
Well, I've not been sleeping for the past few nights.
Been catching barely 4 hours of sleep.
Thankfully, God has blessed me with the gift
of having no dark rings or eye bags. :)
Also, I've no idea where I found enough energy
to be able to head out every single day.
I'm thoroughly broke now.
I'm left with 2bucks to tide me over March.
Miracle, please appear soon.
Anyway, Thurs.
Sentosa with Chang, Wanyi, Joyce, Nat, Vernon.
Had my love fortune told, (absolutely freaky)
played soccer, volleyball, bridge,
suntanned and just chilled.
Had fun with all of them.
Genuinely. :)
Went down to CJ's party at Cocolatte afterwhich,
with Chang, Wanyi, Jon, Keith, and Dawn.
The place was so packed that you could barely move.
Met a lot of people there though.
Like Michelle & the hockey team, Karina & friends,
Calista, Stacey, Kenny, Addie, Vanessa, Rozanne etc.
Oh, and I saw her too. hmmm.
The dance floor was literally flooded.
Wanyi and I actually danced on the podium.
Haha, but it was so much fun.
I had a clear scope of everyone on the dancefloor.
Awesome? Heh. :b
Went down to St Margs for the Reunion on Friday.
Wasn't all that keen to go, but ohwell..
Well, at least the 7bucks was spent good
because I got to see Merser perform that night.
For the first time, I heard her sing.
And you know what? It was good.
I was pretty much captivated, you can say. :)
I think if anyone were to sing for me,
I'd fall in love with you straight away.
Possibility, but not probable. Haha.
My weekend was rather good too.
It was darren's birthday yesterday,
so I went down to town to meet henry and him
to have a couple of games of pool.
Without saying, I never won a single game la. :|
Oh, and Darren introduced me to Black.
Quite like it. Heh.
Went down to Cheryl's house for a bbq afterwhich.
Darren, Henry and Calista came along too.
All the MI people were there, as well as the twits.
And Emily called Cheryl's hp during the bbq!
I rushed over to their table instantaneously la.
When I heard her voice over the phone,
suddenly I lost everything that I wanted to say to her.
Can't believe it, but I almost cried.
It's crazy I know.
I just miss her so much. :(
Darren, Henry, Wanyi, Dor, Cherry, Rach & Matt
came over after the bbq to play Mahjong and all.
Was supposed to complete my 'project'
but what the hell, they were hogging the laptop too.
And they were pretty much amazed at the extent
I'd actually go to, solely just for her.
Rachel called me a psychopath.
Thank you very much, Rach.
At least Wanyi said it's nice! :D
And henry says guys will never put in this much effort,
they'll just talk.
I think I'll go search for gays. Haha.
We went to JK for supper. Matt drove.
Wanyi, Henry & Darren stayed over.
Henry and Darren kept going on about their brotherhood.
Such idiots, I swear.
Hahaha, but at least they cracked me up.
And Darren kept insisting on watching a movie
so we watched Starsky & Hutch.
Henry slept, Wanyi watched the 2nd half.
After it was over, Darren continued to watch a
documentary on turtles and their eggs. :|
I was too exhausted for anything.
Genuinely enjoyed myself with all of them.
Thank you all, for making my weekend this good. :)
And Rachie! it was really good seeing you again. You've really gone missing with Matthieu for too long. Please stop honeymooning and meet us more often!! Must share your lub lub okay?? Hahaha. Can't wait to see you on your birthday. It's on Tuesday, everybody! :D Love you, dear. I miss you!
6:37 PM
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
I'm completely drained out of energy.
The last time I worked this late/early
was the day Em was leaving for Aus.
And being this sick doesnt make my situation any better.
I can feel every ounce of energy leaving my body
as I continue to finish up whatever that's left.
(which is, by the way, A LOT)
My brain doesnt seem to be managing well either.
It's kinda lost in a daze or perhaps, hibernating.
Like suddenly every inspiration I've gathered,
has dissipated into nothingness.
I'm exhausted.
Yet I don't wanna go to bed and snooze.
I need a miracle.
Ahhh.. Caffeine.
Okay, back to work.
I've no clue how I'm gonna get up
in.... 4hours time?
Oh great. I can't sleep at all.
I'm gonna be a walking corpse. :(
4:55 AM
I'm dreading for the 23rd to arrive.
Not only does it indicates my permanence in CJ,
but also that Karina and Tricia would be leaving.
Albeit Chang, Sem, Wanyi & the others coming over,
knowing that Karina n Tricia are leaving just
sucks.
Despite it being only 2months,
these 2 girls do mean quite a bit to me.
Basically, my CJ life revolves around them.
SIGH.
Don't even wanna imagine life in CJ without Karina.
It's gonna be awfully dreary without her blabbering.
Lessons would be so boring, I swear.
Especially PE, when she screams every other 5mins.
Hahaha, never fails to burst me into hysterics.
We go almost everywhere together.
Attending and sleeping in lectures,
skipping classes at the grandstand,
buying meals from the same stall.
She's like my 2nd half in CJ.
If you see belle, karina's somewhere around.
If you see karina, belle's somewhere around too.
AND NOWWWWWWWW.. she's leaving.
Abandoning me all alone in this blue city.
SIGH KARINA, SIGH.
Heh, but I'm still happy for you
if you were to make it into the JC of your choice. :)
As for Tricia dearest..
Well, these first 3 months would be very diff without her.
She has let me experience a new kinda elation
that I swear you cannot find elsewhere.
It's just in her essence I guess. :)
And knowing her has been a true blessing to me,
despite all the ups and downs we've been through.
She's definitely one friend that I'll always love
and care for, regardless of the circumstances.
Time doesnt determine the wellness of a friendship,
but it's what's that shared that matters, no?
Now that she's leaving CJ as well,
school would definitely become awfully dreary.
She's one of the reasons I attend school in the 1st place.
Karina's the other, of course.
Now I wouldn't have anyone to go out with after school. :(
But also, I'm glad she'll make it into ACJC.
Her close friends are there anyway.
Just don't forget me okay! :)
Well, school's gonna start proper soon too.
I guess studying would allow me to forget.
Not the person, but the issue.
Maybe? I hope.
Ohwell, I gotta get back to finishing my 'project'.
I swear I won't be able to sleep tonight.
Just hope my flu doesnt get me drowsy or anything.
YES, I'M SHIT SICK.
Send me your condolences, thanks.
Goodnight world,
I'm missing people tonight.
1:43 AM
Monday, March 14, 2005
Maybe I'm learning how to let go.
At least, I hope my grip has loosened.
Now I'm just trying to diminish
whatever I feel into smth entirely diff.
Just praying it'll be as such eventually.
I'm fine, no worries.
Or at least I will be, in time to come.
I suppose..
Right now, the charade's good.
Keeps me alive and breathing.
It's only the night that kills.
that's when
I really need you. :|
12:24 PM
Sunday, March 13, 2005
I did everything I could.
Too much till I screwed up.
Just wanted to give you the best,
but my imperfections failed me.
Too many blemishes and flaws I possess
to bestow you the bliss you deserve.
Afterall, I'm just a nobody.
Just hiding in the shadows of your beauty.
You shine,
as my insecurities eat me alive.
Because you're all I could ever ask for,
you're what that's been missing in my life.
And I knew ever since you've entered my world,
You're the one person I could love
for a long time to come, and that
I could never afford to lose you.
But maybe I'm too crazy,
too insane, too ridiculous.
Or rather,
too imperfect for your perfection.
I'd never be good enough,
despite how much I try.
To be with you, is too much to ask for.
I should have snapped out of this denial
before I initiated anything 7 weeks ago.
Now misery I have to endure,
and the culpability is mine solely to bear.
I just wish you'd keep the memory of which
with you always, and that you'll never forget.
As you think back on these times,
you'll smile to yourself and be glad.
And constantly remember that
there's someone who will always
love you just as you are.
Unconditionally.
You'll never stride on life's journey alone,
I'll always be a step behind you.
2:56 AM
Just got back not long ago.
Albeit the day started off with
a dreary atmosphere,
things perked up a little
during the evening thankfully.
Played bridge at Starbucks with
Chang, Iylia, Joyce, Wanyi.
Nat and her friends were just chillin.
I thoroughly enjoyed myself
because it managed to occupy my brainspace.
Was rather quiet today though.
I guess that's because I started
my day in an awfully erroneous way.
Just lay there in bed,
thinking about so much stuff that
it drained whatever energy I had left.
Sigh ohwell.
I think it's rather bad for me
to stay at home for the next few days.
My mind would just wander off,
and I'll just get sunken in again.
Chang thought I was recovering quickly.
Yeah, I wish too.
I should enrol myself in Drama Club, no?
It's just that sometimes, (everyday)
I miss you so much.
Yet I can't do anything about it.
I look through my inbox, your folder.
And then? All I can do is sigh.
You don't know this, but
these miss you nights are the longest.
1:11 AM
Saturday, March 12, 2005
Rockafellaskank was awesome.
Although I started to get dreary
at the end of the show,
I had to perk up to show support
for Sarah, Addie, and Kenny.
Their performances was fantabulous!
Oh, and I realised that a bona fide charmer
is one that portrays his confidence of
just being himself without any ounce
of effort of trying to be someone else.
And that person so revealed that to me,
is none other than Xiao An.
Interesting chap. :)
Well, went to town with Sem, Pam & Chang
after the concert and boarded the same
bus as Denise and her boyfriend. (frowns)
Apparently she was seated really close
to us but I just wasnt aware of it.
And even after we've alighted,
we keep bumping into them even though
they walked ahead of us much earlier.
Saw her boyfriend and herself at heeran
while Sem and I were looking out for Chang.
Then crossed the road beside her to cine,
whereby I thought she headed off the other way.
But apparently she went down to Cine's foodcourt
and we had our supper at Kobayashi.
And from where we were sitting,
Sem & Pam had a good view of her.
And what dya know??
She caught them staring at her.
What the fuck I tell you.
I don't have to do anything to be embarrassed.
How cool is that? :|
So after our good supper, we left.
That's it, or so I thought.
Went to the arcade to have a quick game,
and was "mesmerized" but a sexy lady
was so sensually dancing Para Para.
Such an eye-opener, I tell you.
You have got to see it on Sem's phone.
HAHA.
Anyway, YES.
Denise and her boyfriend came up for a game too.
What the hell.
and AGAIN, she caught sem looking at her.
She caught everyone of my friends looking at her la.
Sigh sigh sigh.
Thank goodness the hols are next week.
I swear the coincidences were coincidental.
They were not intentional at all.
But I bet she probably thinks that
I was stalking her or something. :|
And I think I shall end off here.
Can't wait for twits outing tmr.
Seemed so long since we've met.
Miss Andrea, Cart & Emmo too.
Things are just so different without them.
Sigh. Hate changes.
Really really abhor them. :(
12:39 AM
Friday, March 11, 2005
The night before yesterday,
I went to the Night Safari.
It was black and smiaowrie. (tricia's lang)
Went down with Sean, Sem n Tricia.
It wasn't that much fun,
but the company was good anyway. :)
So they came over afterwhich
to play mahjong with complementary drinks.
But of course, as expected,
the drinks triggered the closure to our senses
and we lost all coordination.
Except for Sean of course.
Tricia was amazing.
Actually, more of hilarious.
She went all high and crazy,
before she landed on my toilet floor
and slept there in comfort.
Somehow. :|
I, on the other hand,
was grappling with my stomach.
It was hurting like Fuck.
Sem was in her usual tipsy self.
Thankfully Sean was going home with her.
Amen.
So after they left,
and when I thought Tricia sobered up,
we went back to my room,
and guess what??
The first thing Tricia did was
to head back to my toilet and slept there.
She insisted it was really comfortable
and refused to get up.
I literally had to drag her to the bed
even though I couldn't balance myself.
She owes me big for that.
Am I right, my dear Tricia? :)
Well I've barely any recollection
on what happened after that.
All I know was that I woke up
every half hour to head to my sister's.
Didn't wanna wake Tricia up
whenever my stomach started to churn.
Vomitted yellow liquid the entire night.
I've no idea what it was.
I guess it's the stuff you puke out
whenever you drink on an empty stomach.
The feeling was akin to that when
I overdosed and literally puked blood the entire night.
So much for history repeating itself. :|
And I think I scared the living shit
outta Tricia when she woke up.
Haha, sorry dear!
And thanks for the concern and all. :D
It's amazing how fast it started,
and how quickly it ended.
But I'm just grateful that
the transition in between was good.
I'll never forget this 6weeks 4days.
1:20 PM
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
For You.I never could imagine, life without you
From the moment you walked into my world
Never knew how long a loving flame could burn
But losing you has forced me to learn
That we can't change the way we feel inside
And every try at love never turns out right
We both know it's better if we just let it go
So let's have
Chorus:
One last kiss
One last touch
One last tender moment between us
One last dance
To our first song
While pretending there's nothing wrong
Let's stay here for awhile and
Cherish every moment we're in denial
We both know
Its better if we just let it go
Everytime I try to take a stand at all
I see your face again and I fall
In the middle of the night there's the scent of a rose
The smell of your perfume I suppose
But we can't change the way we feel inside
And every try at love never turns out right
We both know it's better if we just let it go
So let's have
Chorus
Baby if we met each other under a different sky
Maybe then things would be much better between you and I
We could always hold on to this one special thing we share
But it would be too much for us to bear
So let's have
Chorus
We both know
It's better if we just let it go
11:01 PM
Today's one of the worst mornings
I ever woke up to.
It's not due to the activities that happened,
but it was emotions I felt at
my very first thought of everyday.
It's like waking up to a world
to see it only crumbling apart into
fragments that slices every inch of your heart.
The feeling was such anguish,
that the first thing I wanted to do was cry.
(despite how weak that sounds)
But at least work went well today.
I thoroughly enjoyed myself, really.
The staff working alongside with us
were pretty amicable and fun too.
Loved conversing with them despite
the age difference and all.
Plus, it did help me in occupying my mind.
It even made me think that I was alright.
And because of all that, you know what?
I really need that job now.
Sigh, just hope another opportunity
like this comes along soon.
You know, although everything's over,
I really wish that things could
remain just as it was before.
We had so much fun together.
So just because of my screw-up,
I have to care less about you so that
you wouldn't misunderstand my intentions?
I told you today that beneath every
love relationship, friendship's there.
So even if the loving's over,
friendship still lingers on.
I don't want you to treat me differently,
nor do I wish for us to drift apart either.
Like you said, the friendship we have is Great.
To me, it's really Awesome.
And I honestly don't wanna lose it ever.
Because..
As a friend,
I love you too.
10:31 PM
Monday, March 07, 2005
7th March, 7th week,
7 hugs, 7 msges,
7mins 50secs.
This I'll never forget.At least now it's all clarified.
Albeit I wish it didnt have to
strike me this cruelly harsh.
But I've only myself to blame.
Sigh, ohwell.
And when I thought I was gonna be fine,
everything came crashing down on me.
I guess it just took some time
for the feeling of nothingness
to metamorphosize into misery,
divulging my agonizing reality.
Although I expected it all,
I never knew it would hurt this much.
I was unaware of the magnitude
of how much she really meant to me.
The last time tears actually flowed down,
was on the 15th of January,
whereby Andrea and Cart left.
Also, the very first time I made her cry.
It wasn't much of the loss,
but also because I realised that
I've brought her that much unhappiness.
I'm such a screw up, aren't I?
Sigh, at least she wouldn't have to
bear with every bull I shit from now onwards.
Well, I feel slightly better now.
After hearing her voice over the phone,
and having a good cry after the many episodes
today whereby tears burnt up in my eyes,
threatening to roll down in publics' eyes.
Perhaps it's better that it's over.
Maybe it'll lessen my agony when she leaves..
Also, I won't have to pick up the guitar
just to play her that song anymore.
My little fingers are spared.
See, 2 good things have already came outta it.
I'll be fine..
10:51 PM
Sunday, March 06, 2005
I fucked up my weekend.
Yes, again.
Tell me you're not surprised.
I seriously need to go for lessons
that teach you how NOT to screw up.
Where's hitch when you need him? :|
Tomorrow's not gonna be a good day
now that the night has ended on such a bad note.
I'm such a fuckwit, period.
You know,
I realised it only depends solely on
one person to determine my day's outcome.
And for the past week,
I've been screwing up so much,
I think I totally ruined everything
that was ever weaved out between us.
I don't even know if there's anything left.
I know I should release my grip,
but somehow, I just can't seem
to be able to accomplish that.
Despite it making me so miserable,
I still find myself holding on.
Because somehow along this road,
I find an inimitable elation that
I know I can never find elsewhere.
And albeit it may be ephemeral,
I revel in every second of it.
You can call me desperate.
Cause for you, I know I am.
11:58 PM
As much as I love CJ,
I don't wanna stay on.
:(
Coming online is a depressing sport.
I need a breather.
2:07 PM
The week's finally coming to an end.
After all the turbulences this week,
I'm gratuitious that yesterday
was a good start to this weekend.
Love catching up with the twits,
love spending time with
her.
And I'm really grateful to Dawn, Cheryl & Sem
for being with me this entire week,
while I was trudging along this rough patch.
I think if it weren't for these 3,
I swear I would have just collapsed dead.
Thank you. :)
I guess nothing ever remains static,
despite how much you want it to.
It took me 5 painfully awful days
to brace myself for the impending changes.
Changes that I know will rip a part of me.
I'm still learning how to let go.
Don't know what gibberish I'm spouting?
That's good.
You won't feel my agony then.
Right now,
all my ability permits me to,
is to let contentment sink in
and try to conceal every teardrop,
every ounce of hurt.
I'll get by, I guess.
Somehow.
1:34 PM
Friday, March 04, 2005
I miss Andrea. :(
1:25 PM
A myriad of activities happened
since the last time I blogged.
Got back my Os results
which was a major disappointment.
Scored exactly the same
to what I received for my prelims.
So I guess I'm stuck in
that blue school.
Hopefully my friends will be joining me there.
Since Karina and Tricia are leaving.
And guess what folks,
I officially hate ACJC.
even though my aunt's trying her best
to get me into that school currently.
Don't you love ironies? :|
And if you were to ask me now
what is the one thing I abhor most,
I'd tell you straight
------ tears.
1:14 PM
